motherhood – Styled by Jess

Life is full of change – some are easy to get through, some changes are tough. Some are happy changes, some are not. I have a change coming that at this moment feels like one of my biggest yet…

When I became a mother 2 years and 5 months ago I was working full-time in a relatively stressful job. I took a traditional 3-month maternity leave, found a daycare for my Z, and went back to work. As soon as I was back I knew something wasn’t right. My Z was having a tough time sleeping at daycare and for her, not enough sleep means bad behavior, fussiness, and just not herself (she is like this to this day and I’m sure most kids are the same). We switched centers and it was the same if not worse. Her personality is to be a social butterfly who hates to miss any fun (the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree) and it was hard for her to sleep no matter how much she needed it when she heard and knew others were up having fun.

During this time I also wasn’t the mother I wanted to be. I carry my work home with me, I find it hard to mentally separate, and always have. I was doing both daycare drop-off in the morning and pick-up in the afternoon and always felt late, rushed, and full of anxiety. At work I was told “once you’re a mother you can’t give your job 100% effort…you’re lucky to give it 80%.” Hmph, I didn’t like the sounds of that because that person said the same thing about motherhood, too and I definitely saw it happening in myself. That summer, we made the decision that I would switch jobs to work part-time in a less stressful/demanding role. I was lucky to find a great job that allowed me to work from home, too – even better! And then…well, you know I am pregnant with our second and knowing what I know now and after much discussion, thought on long-term career goals, and financial planning – a huge change in our lives is coming this week…I will stop working for a time to stay at home with our kiddos.

I am excited. I am nervous. I am thrilled. I am hesitant. Working hard at my career to excel and move forward has always been a focus of mine. When I switched careers from marketing events to non-profit event fundraising I fought hard for jobs and worked my tail off to be successful. I know this is a pause in that for me, that I will go back to work some day, but it feels HUGE.

I also know I am lucky that this is an option for me, that there are tons of moms and dads out there in similar situations who can’t not work for financial reasons. Of course this will change some things in our lives as well, but I know I am lucky that this change was even something to be considered. At the end of the day and why this decision was made is because your children are only little once and for such a short period of time. For us, for the personality of our Z, and for our baby soon to be born – the best decision has been made. And I know this will be a change I will look back on and never regret!

Ps. I don’t usually get very personal here, but this topic has been on my mind for so long I thought I would share. I’m thankful to have this spot on the internet as a creative outlet, which will certainly continue, if not grow after I stop working a traditional job. So…thank you for reading and I hope you continue to do so!

I’ll never forget when my sister was pregnant with my niece (who is now 6 years old with 2 loose teeth – so grown up!!) I found a photo in Vogue of a baby/toddler sitting in the middle of a pile of her mommy’s shoes, trying them on. The baby had very curly hair just like my sister so I ripped out the image, showed my family, and was certain that this would be the image of my then unborn niece. Well, it turns out, I think I actually had that baby from the Vogue photo. My Z has super curly hair, as you know and a major MAJOR love of shoes. Here’s how I know…

Sometimes, when the house is quiet and I know my little Z must be up to no good, I walk around the corner and find her here…

She loves to stand in front of the basket where she and I keep our shoes (my husband’s feet are too large for his shoes fit in this particular basket, so he has his own). She takes out all of her shoes and tries to put them on herself. Recently, she also has fun finding pairs and matching them together. Who needs the game Memory? We match shoes in this house.

But she doesn’t discriminate, his basket of shoes is equally as interesting as ours! She can even climb into his basket.

Then, every morning when we’re upstairs getting dressed – not just SOME mornings, this is EVERY morning – she opens my closet where I keep the majority of my shoes on the floor and goes to town trying them on, picking them up, sorting them…

She has a particular love of these oxfords. I think they’re snazzy, but I think when the day comes that she wears a size 7 1/2 women’s shoe, they will become hers because she loves them so much.

And recently, she discovered that I keep some old, lesser worn shoes in a Tupperware container under the bed. Now, every few mornings she remembers this bin and reaches to get it out…

So I usually drag it out for her, open it up, and let her go to town playing, trying them on, organizing them in pairs.

But how does she already have such a love of shoes at 20 months old?

According to Christian Louboutin, when a woman tries on a pair of shoes, she doesn’t just look at the shoe and like/dislike them, she looks at her entire self in the mirror and sees if she likes “how” they make her look. He says “shoes are a pedestal.” Is my Z doing this? No, she’s too little to even know about image and how something looks. She has pure, naive tastes of what she likes and dislikes and therefore, I think I have pretty strong evidence here that a love of shoes is something you’re born with. Sure, she’s observed me prancing around in some pretty great shoes, but her love goes above and beyond just trying to be like mommy.

This baby looooooves her shoes! These are her latest love, some cool Puma sneaks (and yes, those are her DIY Jean Shorts!).

Tag: motherhood

Change

A Love of Shoes